Losing My Religion

 

Losing My Religion

I dislike religions, "hate" is a harsh and offensive word that I've been trying not to use. I genuinely believe that religions need to be renovated and recycled. I think religions are still in antediluvian times, managed in a patriarchal way by antiquated leaders. Religions are losing adepts and believers and are becoming obsolete. Religious wars are not rare. We've certainly heard Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Protestants, Catholics, and Holy Wars mentioned in many wars around the globe.   

My parents raised me in the Catholic religion, and I'm still struggling to forgive them.

Many say that the etymology of religion lies with the Latin word religare, which means "to tie, to bind." That is a perfect definition of what religion does. They create unnecessary fear; they're manipulative, imposing, and authoritative. I need help understanding how something that is supposed to be a moral guide can be full of deception, confusion, and contradiction.

 

The typical definition in the dictionary describes religion as a belief or worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods. In any case, any definition of religion needs to be more specific and clear. 

 

I began to lose faith in religion decades ago as a teenager. I can honestly say that the more I read and learned about fundamental human nature, the more I withdrew myself from religion. The less dumb I felt, the more skeptical I became. 

 

I don't remember how long ago I became aware that religion was the biggest lie in human history. It has been responsible for more deaths than all other unnatural causes combined. The Church was an authoritarian dictatorship that used religion to control the uneducated masses for a thousand years. 

 

I can honestly say I'm not an expert in religion or theology. I merely state my opinion, experience, and relationship with God and religion.

 

When I stopped going to Church and quit practicing all sacred rites and ceremonies, they still performed mass in Latin, which made the services even more boring. The pomposity and arrogance of the rituals and the officiating priests made it even worse. 

 

But things didn't start that way; initially, I loved my religion. My first recollection of going to Church was my first communion. My parents were firm believers in God and the Catholic faith. When I was six years old, my mom sent me to Sunday school to get prepared for my first communion. Back then, my love for my parents was immense; they were my idols and heroes. I probably love them even more now, and they're still my heroes, but back then, I would have followed every instruction they gave me. I believed everything they said. 

But over time, one thing happens, you get a mind of your own. Sometimes. 

 

I can describe my relationship with God and religion in three stages:

 

· The first was submission, surrender, awe and admiration, and total belief (from six to twelve years old).

 

· The second was hesitation and doubt, uncertain distrust, and the usual phase when you question authority (from twelve to sixteen years old).

 

· The final stage is a lack of faith and deception (from sixteen years old to now).

 

 

My dad used to buy me comic books about saints and angels after we went to Church. Sunday was a fun day with my dad. I enjoyed being next to my dad. Imitating all of his moves, making the cross sign, kneeling, taking communion, and even going to confession, I had little to say at that age. I was inventing innocent sins. 

If I had followed my dad to Church, I would probably have followed him to hell too. 

 

 I believe that the forced indoctrination of children by parents should stop. We should let them decide by themselves. I bet they would choose to be agnostics. I raised my kids without contact with religion, and I don't regret it. 

 

I was about sixteen when I lost my religion; my faith disappeared, and my devotion expired. If God is everywhere, I'm sure he witnessed my escape. My rebellion began with my enormous boredom during mass; it was unbelievably soporific and monotonous. Among other things, the smell of incense was unbearable and on the verge of making me ill.

 

And then, at that age, I thought I was committing sins that I couldn't confess. Now I know they were ordinary sins because I still commit the same sins. But it bothered me a little that I knew in advance that my confession would be incomplete or insincere. For those reasons, I quit confessing my sins.

 

I was confronting extreme boredom, the smell of incense, false confessions, and increasing disbelief. I was becoming an atheist. And 'atheism' is a horrible word, and I hate that word. Did I mention that I hate the word 'hate'?

 I would believe in God again if he granted one of my wishes once in a while. (most wishes are not for me.)

 

 If religion can impose fear in me, if God can punish me, He should also be able to please me occasionally.

 

And I'm still waiting.

 

 

Edmundo Barraza

 

Lancaster, Ca. Jul-29-2014

 http://edbar1952-accomplishedignorant.blogspot.com