I’ve done it thousands of times
Zero risk factors, I thought before
the first one
This is the last one. I said a million times
Don’t care if I die. As long as it’s just me
Don’t care about hell
Much less about heaven or paradise
Don’t care if I die, only if it’s painless, sudden and fast
Five thousand times I should be dead
Don’t call me
stupid, I’m already dead
How did I get here, who brought me
home?
Lessons never learned
Riding in the back, free ride to jail, handcuffs and all
A.A., community service and the rest, I’ve done it all twice
and more
Promised never to do it again
Only to forget and repeat, worse than before
Five thousand times at least, I’m good at math
Never looked bad, hardly missed work, hardworking imbecile
Only understand when I’m sober and dry
But if I kill someone else, I’ll do more than cry
I’ll drink till I drown
Punishment or reward?
Don’t know why I’m still here
A million hours wasted with temporary, transient, fleeting
friends
I don’t dare say where I should have been instead, it pains my
soul
Shame only appears after the fact
Shame disappears with the first shot
Time gone forever
Time I’ll never recover, even if my sanity is the only thing I'll recover
The ones I love will be with me when I die
If they felt
loved during my prolonged absences
Edmundo
Barraza
Lancaster,
Ca. 09-17-2014
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