Thursday, August 20, 2015

Depression



I can’t sleep. I think I’m learning about a new feeling. I’m feeling depression for the first time in my life. I feel empty inside, hollow. It feels like I can’t breathe, like my life has no meaning. I think I’m dying and I don’t mind, but I’m not sure whether I should feel good or bad. I feel like my life is evaporating. I have no past, no future. The present is useless. If I die no one will miss me at all. I was thinking about my old dog. He keeps walking aimlessly and endlessly. He can barely see, he can’t smell, he can’t hear, he can barely walk. Life is meaningless. I need a purpose. It needs to be unselfish, I know that for sure. Death is not the solution, although I feel attracted to it somehow. I’m sure this is a feeling felt or shared by many suicidal persons. This is the first time I feel like this and I don’t like it. The fear I feel sends shivers down my spine. I feel like my life is escaping through my throat.  Instead of wishing an end, an exit or a solution, instead of giving up like many quitters I need to find what to do with my life. I need to live for a reason; I need to volunteer for a good cause. I need to fight for something. Depression is a terrible feeling. Nothing is missing and everything is missing. God cannot guide me, God can’t help me. God can’t take me. I have my health, my precarious health. I’m vulnerable. Do I wish to know when will I die? Do I want to advance that date? Do I want to accelerate my destiny? I rather find something meaningful to do. At least I’m still able to love and enjoy some things. But those things are decreasing. I need to make a list and add up or renovate my desires. I’ve learned that my passion for injustices isn’t as fulfilling as it used to be, my long life of anger and rage against injustices hasn’t taken me anywhere, so, I’m a little tired in that regard. Maybe I need to participate more actively or directly. In my wild thoughts I often considered that if I had a limited amount of time left, I would go out with my short list of undesirables and take them out one by one, (mostly politicians from around the world) that would be a good service to my fellow citizens of the world, but useless anyhow, because new fools are born every minute. We always vote for stupid people anyway. To really count in this world, I would need to be another MLK or Gandhi, but they only come one in every ten billion people. Depression sucks. Maybe I need to be extremely tired to get rid of this feeling, or maybe I’m just too exhausted. I wish I can win the lottery, so I can give all the money away. I’m sure that would make me happy. If I were a saint, I would listen to all prayers and concede all kinds of miracles, which would make me happy too. I would post all the lottery winning numbers on the newspaper, so everyone could win, even if it’s just one dollar each. But everyone would be a winner. If I could, I would make everyone healthy for an eternity. But my greatest wish would be to never see any suffering among children. No accidents, sickness or death. Now, that’s a nice thought, I’m feeling better already. I’m feeling sleepy. That’s a good sign. I’ll continue tomorrow. Good night.  


*I wrote this a couple of nights ago. I couldn't sleep, I was feeling really terrible, out of the blue just for no reason. I got off the rails for a second. Not to worry. I found myself again. I'm going to continue fighting against the evils of the world. You can  feel safe again..





Edmundo Barraza

Lancaster, Ca.

8-19-2015






Sunday, August 16, 2015

Human Extinction




PART ONE


His name was Lucius Night. He was one of the last two humans left on earth. The other one was Katana Luna. 

Humans had finally done it. Five hundred years before global warming had become a reality. Back then skeptical people did not believe this could be possible. Humankind had provoked its own extinction.

Several things had contributed to the human extinction: Overpopulation, global warming, nuclear wars and pandemics. The excess of human population and their unnecessary exploitation of energetics forced a harmful climate change. Then a few nations trying to control what was left of the world initiated nuclear wars. Along with biological warfare and other weapons of mass destruction, some of the after effects of this madness triggered various pandemics. And of course all these catastrophes were caused by humans.

Sadly (or gladly) humans were the only species disappearing from this planet. 

The human race turned out to be a resilient kind of animal; they could be compared to cockroaches. Nuclear wars were not destructive enough to exterminate humans, pandemics further decimated humankind, but neither of those completely eliminated the global population. It had to be a combination of all catastrophes known to man, including “irrational” animals.

The animal kingdom had realized that humans were the culprit of this bizarre phenomenon. Therefore, they turned against humans. Mankind had always underestimated animals but the equilibrium of nature invariably succeeds. Sometimes certain species had to perish in order for others to survive.

All animals in the world began to grow in physical size and brain power. Rats grew double their size every hundred years, and the rest of the animals accordingly too. Gradually, human flesh had become part of the animal diet. It was the perfect logical solution, ‘kill and feed’. Kill the enemy and eat it to survive.

The total eradication of humans from the face of the earth appeared impossible at first. But we knew that if unattended, a house could be devoured by an infestation of rats, cockroaches and termites in less than fifty years. Humans, not only had left their houses unattended but the entire world. They had totally cooperated for their own destruction. They had complete knowledge of this possibility five hundred years before. All powerful nations were blaming each other. And they kept generating new wars adding salt to the wound, accelerating their deserving fate. It took humans five hundred years to accomplish their goal. They had turned their future into their past. 


*****


Lucius Night and Katana Luna were the last two human survivors. There was nobody else to hope for the human survival. Nobody else was cheering for their success. Adam and Eve didn’t have such an impossible task. 

When population began to decline, before all tragedies started, life expectancy for humans had been from a hundred and fifty to two hundred years. Many illnesses had been eradicated, many vices didn’t exist anymore. Alcohol, tobacco, sugar and animal fat were rarely consumed. That period had been the peak for human excellence. Body and mind at their best. Then things rapidly deteriorated. 

Lucius Night had a superior mind than most scientists from the twentieth first century. Katana Luna had a JCN chip implanted before she was born. They were human computers. They were taller and stronger than their human counterparts from five centuries before. But they were still vulnerable to the rest of the animal kingdom, where a rat was as big as a cat. From year to year the size increase could not be noticeable but in five hundred years the difference was humongous.

Having a common enemy, animals had become allies to fight against humans. The animal kingdom had significantly reduced killing each other; half of them had adopted a semi vegetarian diet. The other half was consuming human flesh, which seemed to be addicting, judging from the amounts they were ingesting. The supply also seemed unlimited. 

Animals had also increased their brain capacity. Perhaps a new evolution had begun.  The animal kingdom had indeed become the King. A new theory of evolution had to start. The most advanced animal species were chimps, orangutans and baboons. It appeared that history could repeat itself. 

But there were two humans left.

Lucius and Katana didn’t know they were the only humans left. They had not seen other people for a long time. The last time Lucius saw his parents was soon after his mom had delivered Katana Luna. Many months had passed since they left the cave. Lucius knew that there was a slim chance for him and her sister to survive. Katana was a powerful reason to keep fighting.

It was hard to guess Lucius Night’s age, due to the new human life expectancy. But his entire responsibility and main purpose in life was to protect his little sister. Whatever his age was, he was far more intelligent and stronger than he appeared.

If Lucius and Katana had a projected life span of two hundred years, age could be calculated this way:  From zero to twenty years of age was considered infancy, from twenty to eighty: adolescence, from eighty to a hundred and forty: adulthood, and from a hundred and forty to two hundred it was considered old age. That is if they could survive and if they were living under normal circumstances. There were seventy three thousand days in two hundred years. Every single day was going to be a struggle to remain alive.

That’s right, Adam and Eve didn’t have such an impossible task.

Just like Adam and Eve, Lucius and Katana were responsible for the future of mankind. Adam and Eve did their best, but they did not succeed. From the story of the Tree of Knowledge it all went down in a disastrous decline. But their decline had lasted thousands of years. If Lucius and Katana were pretending to avoid the complete eradication of human life first and foremost they had to implant one thing into the minds of future generations: They had to respect their home. Humankind was one People, and Planet Earth was their only home. They had to take care of it and they had to keep it clean and in good health.

God had never intervened since Adam and Eve. Lucius and Katana were not expecting His help. 

God had probably left already. After all, there was nothing to supervise anymore.

If there was anything certain in the Bible, it had to be Armageddon. The end of times scenario was many times worse than anyone could have imagined. But since humans began to disappear, the planet’s landscape had improved greatly. The big metropolises like New York, Tokyo, and Rio de Janeiro became the most beautiful jungles in the world. The deserts began to shrink as soon as humans started to vanish. The same way humans had underestimated animals, they had also underestimated Mother Nature's healing powers. All damage done or influenced by humans had started to reverse gradually after the first signs of human extinction. Nature was finally getting rid of a grave illness: humanoid overcrowding.

Lucius and Katana had only two weapons to defend themselves. Katana Luna had the paralyzing waver, a hand gun design to send air waves in all directions capable to paralyze all non-human animals in a radius of a hundred feet; the effect could last from two to six hours, depending on the animal size. It was a non-lethal weapon. Lucius had the invisible laser-blazer, an accurate body heat, ray-seeking weapon powerful enough to disintegrate a whale in a fraction of a second. Disintegrate, not explode.

Most of their knowledge had been implanted or absorbed during their twelve month gestational period. Knowledge especially prepared by their parents, knowing in advance that a human extinction was fast approaching, so they had specific training in survival skills. Their food source and diet was contained mainly in pills rich in artificial nutrients and proteins, including water. Each pill had a slow, energy release that lasted a week. They had a little over a thousand units to last about five hundred weeks, or approximately ten years. 


October-19-2014 


*****


Nearly eight billion people had disappeared in the last five hundred years. And all that the world contained had thrived without humans. The post-apocalyptic images had been erased. Earth’s heart was beating at a lower speed, the world was happy. Nature didn’t need men. The world had no use for mankind. 

The place chosen by Lucius' parents for a shelter was a cave on a mountain range, less than a mile from the ocean. The animal invasion to the cities was an amazing collaborative operation in which several animal species had participated. With no apparent leader, the animals had to be communicating telepathically or in another mysterious way.

During the day, diverse animals, including former house pests, organized the attack, dogs, cats, mice, spiders, ants, cockroaches, birds and snakes. The size of dogs and cats had increased so much that they could not be kept in homes. Domestic animals didn't exist anymore. House pests could only be controlled by professional exterminators. Weapons were created especially to get rid of these pests. At night, different kinds of animals emerged, rats, bats, wolves and coyotes.

The military began to help, but soon, they were ordered to withdraw because they were causing more damage than help. Besides, American people were well armed, but they were overwhelmed by the enormous amount of attackers.

Due to the constant contact with such horrific carnage, people began to lose their sensitivity at the sight of human loss. Even if their own children were devoured in front of their eyes they had to continue the struggle to take care of themselves, there was no time for crying, and they had to keep running. 

Other tragedies began to occur. With toxic waste, new viruses appeared with pandemics of such virulence and infectiousness that decimated human population even more. To fight for their survival they had to abandon their jobs and as a consequence famine showed up, and it was unmerciful. 

Of all possible extinction causes only pandemics were selective enough to eliminate humans, since wild life was left relatively unscathed.

Cities and communities were evolving in isolated tribes, people fled in search of natural shelters, caves in mountains, open fields and deserts, forests and underground tunnels. But there was no escape and no solution; animals were bigger and more dangerous outside city limits. You could be eaten by a million termites, or by a single bear.

Lucius rarely dared to venture outside the cave to hunt for food. He evaluated the risk of leaving Katana Luna in the cave or taking her with him. Most of the time he preferred to leave her behind. Sometimes he would return with fish or birds, the only kind of animals that Lucius considered safe for human consumption, and Katana’s favorite food. 

One day when Lucius came back, he found two paralyzed wolves at the entrance of the cave. After he took them outside and shot them with the DD (disintegrating device) gun, he decided never to leave Katana alone again. If she had been asleep there wouldn’t have been any traces of her left. That night, he was convinced that if that would have been the case; he’d kill himself for sure.

Octuber-20-2014


*****



To be continued









Saturday, June 20, 2015

The Corpse is Alive








“You know what dad, regardless of all the arguments we have, you’re still my role model. You're brave . . . you're fearless . . .”

“Wait a minute, what do you need? It sounds like you’re ready to ask for something.”

“No dad, I don’t need a reason to say something nice to you, I'm just glad you're a good father. Some of my friends don’t have a father, and that must be tough.”

“Well, if I’m a good father it’s because you’re a good son, you make my job easier.”

“What I really wanted to know is if you’re afraid of anything. I don't think I’ve ever seen you scared.”

“I fear a few things, but my biggest fear is to be buried alive. I have nightmares about it. So, when I die, I want you to make sure that I’m really dead. I also want you to leave two things in my coffin, my cell phone and my gun . . . just in case.”

“That’s a weird request, but logical.” after a pause, “Oh, I almost forgot, can I use your car tonight?”

“I knew it! I knew it!


DAY ONE



What’s this? This must be a joke. What the hell?! It looks like a coffin. Damn! This can’t be possible. (Starts banging on the coffin’s lid) Damn! I knew it, they buried me alive. Help! Help! Somebody, get me out of here! I’m alive! I’m alive!  Oh God, why did you do this to me? Was I such a bad person to deserve this punishment? Wait a minute! Where’s the phone? Oh God, he remembered, (finds it in his shirt pocket) I’m saved, (a dim light shines on, dials frantically . . .  no signal) what the fuck!!! AHHH!!! . . .  What about the gun?! Where's the gun? (Finds it on his side, tucked against his ribcage. While checking if it's loaded, accidentally discharges the only bullet in the chamber) AHHH!!!


DAY TWO



Why am I not dead yet? I don’t understand, I should have breathed all the oxygen in the coffin by now. I just hope this is not my eternal hell. Could it be that your worse fear turns out to be your eternal damnation? I must have been a real bad person. But do I deserve to die twice? And to think that I still have to go to hell. This is just perfect, I’m not cold yet and everybody forgot about me already. I hope this is the way everybody dies. Maybe this is what Purgatory was meant to be.


DAY THREE



What did I die of, anyway? . . .  Damn, I’m thirsty . . .  I can resist a week without food, but this thirst is killing me . . . again . . .  What good is it a phone if there's no signal, or a gun, if there's no bullets. But if I had water, that would only prolong my misery . . .   How long have I been here? . . .  If I could, I would kill myself . . .  I wonder if my son put another bullet somewhere in my pants. (Looks for it, and instead finds an envelope full of money in his back pocket) What the hell is this? Money? What do I need money for? This is so dumb . . .  (Then, with his eyes wide open, astonished and scared . . .
he hears a faint sound coming from up above, maybe at ground level . . . and another . . . and another, sounding each time closer and clearer. Until finally, son lifts the coffin's lid).


“Dad, you’re alive! How could it be? It can't be possible!"

“Of course I’m alive, why did you bury me alive, didn’t I tell you to make sure?”

“I’m sorry dad, I was sure about it, aren’t you glad I was wrong?”

“How long have I been here?”

“Three days."

“How did you know I was alive?”

“I didn’t, I came back for the money I was saving to buy a car. My mom made a mistake, you’re wearing my pants!”

“I love you son.”

“I love you dad.”


(O. S.)
On a black screen, while credits roll: 

“Next time I die, I want to be cremated son.”

“You got it dad, whatever you say.” 

"How come I didn't run out of air?"

"They let me bury you next to the storm drain." 

"Let's go get a beer."

"But you look like a zombie."

"I don't care, I'm thirsty."


THE END




Edmundo Barraza
Lancaster, Ca.  Jun-20-2015