Sunday, October 19, 2014

Human Remains (Second Chance)


His name was Lucius Night. He was one of the last two humans left on earth. The other one was Katana Luna. 

Humans had finally done it. Five hundred years before, global warming had become a reality. Back then, skeptical people did not believe this could be possible. Humankind had provoked its own extinction. Sadly (or gladly) humans were the only species disappearing from this planet. The animal kingdom had realized that humans were the culprit of this bizarre phenomenon. Therefore they turned against humans. Mankind had always underestimated animals, but humans were included in the animal kingdom. And the equilibrium of nature invariably succeeds. Sometimes certain species had to perish in order for others to remain alive.

All animals in the world began to grow in physical size and intellectual brain power. Rats grew double their size every hundred years, and the rest of the animals, accordingly too. The main food source of all animals in general was the human race and their common enemy too. They began to eat humans. It was the perfect logical solution, kill and feed, double reasonable objective. Thus began the human extinction in the year 2025.

It took five hundred years to accomplish such monumental task. At first, it appeared impossible, the total eradication of humans from the face of the earth. But we knew that if unattended, a house could be devoured by an infestation of rats, cockroaches and termites in a less than fifty years. Humans, not only had left their house unattended, they had totally cooperated for its destruction. They had complete knowledge of this possibility five hundred years ago. But all powerful nations were blaming each other. And they kept generating new wars, adding salt to the wound, accelerating their deserving fate. Their past, present and future took five hundred years to accomplish its end. Their future is now their past.

Lucius Night and Katana Luna were the last two human survivors. There was nobody else to hope for the human survival. Nobody else was cheering for their success.

Adam and Eve didn’t have such an impossible task.

In the twentieth third century, the life expectancy for humans had been from a hundred and fifty to two hundred years. Many illnesses had been eradicated, many vices didn’t exist anymore. No alcohol, no tobacco, no sugar, and no animal fat were consumed. That century had been the peak for human excellence. Body and mind at their best. In the year 2300 the population had been steadily controlled at twelve billion, but from then on, the situation rapidly deteriorated. 

Lucius Night had a superior mind than most scientists from the twentieth first century. Katana Luna had a JEN chip implanted before she was born. They were human computers. They were bigger, taller and stronger than their human counterparts from five centuries before. But they were still vulnerable to the rest of the animal kingdom, where a rat was as big as a cat, and a cat was the size of a tiger, and a tiger was like, well, it’s not too hard to guess the rest. From year to year, the size increase could not be noticeable, but in five hundred years, the difference was humongous. 

Having a common enemy, animals had become allies to fight against humans. The animal kingdom had significantly reduced killing each other to feed from one another; half of them had adopted a semi vegetarian diet. The other half was consuming human flesh, which seemed to be addicting, judging from the amounts they were ingesting. The supply also seemed unlimited. They also had increased their brain capacity. Perhaps a new evolution had begun. Nature had taken over again, back to zero. A new theory of evolution had to start. The most advanced animal species were chimps, orangutans and baboons. It appeared that history could repeat itself. 

But there were two humans left.

Lucius and Katana didn’t know they were the only humans left. They had not seen other people for a long time. The last time Lucius saw his parents was soon after his mom had delivered Katana Luna. Many months had passed since they left the cave. Lucius knew that there was a slim chance for him and her sister to survive. Katana was a powerful reason to fight.

It was hard to guess Lucius Night’s age, due to the new human life expectancy. But his entire responsibility and main purpose in life was to protect his little sister, Katana Luna. Whatever his age was, he was far more intelligent and strong than he appeared.

If Lucius and Katana had a projected life span of two hundred years, age could be calculated this way:  From zero to twenty years of age was considered infancy, from twenty to sixty: adolescence, from sixty to a hundred and twenty: adulthood, and from a hundred and twenty to two hundred it was considered old age. (That is if they could survive, and if they were living under normal circumstances.) There were seventy three thousand days in two hundred years, and every single day was going to be a struggle to remain alive.

That’s right, Adam and Eve didn’t have such an impossible task.

Just like Adam and Eve, Lucius and Katana were responsible for the future of mankind. Adam and Eve did their best, but they did not succeed. From the story of the Tree of Knowledge, it all went down in a disastrous decline. But their decline had lasted thousands of years. If Lucius and Katana were pretending to save the human race, first and foremost, they had to implant one thing into the minds of future generations: They had to respect their home. Humankind was one People, and planet Earth was their only home. They had to take care of it, and they had to keep it clean and in good health.

God had never intervened since Adam and Eve, and Lucius and Katana were not expecting his help. 

God had probably left already. After all, there was nothing to supervise anymore.

Several things had contributed to the human extinction: Overpopulation, global warming, nuclear wars and pandemics. The excess of human population and their unnecessary exploitation of energetics forced global warming. Then a few nations trying to control world dominance initiated nuclear wars, along with biological warfare and handling of other weapons of mass destruction, some of the after effects of this madness triggered various pandemics. And of course all these catastrophes were caused by humans.

If there was anything certain in the Bible, it had to be Armageddon. The end of times scenario was many times worse than anyone could have imagined. But since humans began to disappear, the planet’s landscape had improved greatly. The big metropolises like New York, Tokyo, and Rio de Janeiro became the most beautiful jungles in the world. The deserts began to shrink as soon as humans started to vanish. The same way humans had underestimated animals, they had also underestimated Mother Nature's healing powers. All damage done or influenced by humans had started to reverse gradually after the first signs of human extinction. Nature was finally getting rid of a grave illness: humanoid overcrowding.

Lucius and Katana had only two weapons to defend themselves. Katana Luna had the paralyze waver. A hand gun design to send air waves in all directions capable to paralyze all non-human animals in a radius of a hundred feet; the effect could last from two to six hours, depending on the animal size. It was a non-lethal weapon. Lucius had the invisible laser-blazer, an accurate body heat, ray-seeking weapon powerful enough to disintegrate a whale in a fraction of a second. Disintegrate, not explode.

Most of their knowledge had been implanted or absorbed during their twelve month gestational period. Knowledge especially prepared by their parents, knowing in advance that a human extinction was fast approaching, so they had specific training in survival skills. Their food source and diet was contained mainly in pills rich in artificial nutrients and proteins, including water. Each pill had a slow, energy release that lasted a week. They had a little over a thousand units, to last about five hundred weeks, or approximately ten years. 



Twelve billion people had disappeared in the last five hundred years, and all that the world contained, had thrived without humans. The apocalyptic images had been erased. Earth was beating at a lower speed, the world was happy. Nature didn’t need men. The world had no use for mankind. 
The place chosen by Lucius' parents for a shelter was a cave on a mountain range, less than a mile from the ocean. The animal invasion to the cities was an amazing collaborative operation in which at least two dozen different animal species had participated. With no apparent leader, the animals had to be communicating telepathically or another mysterious way.

During the day, diverse animals, including former house pests, organized the attack, dogs, cats, mice, spiders, ants, cockroaches, birds and snakes. The size of dogs and cats had increased so much that they could not be kept in houses. Domestic animals didn't exist anymore. House pests could only be controlled by professional exterminators. Weapons were created especially to get rid of these pests. At night,  different kind of animals emerged, like rats, bats, wolves, coyotes, bears and others. 

The military began to help, but they were ordered to withdraw because they were causing more damage than help. Besides, American people were well armed, but they were overwhelmed by the enormous amount of attackers.

At such horrific carnage, people began to lose their sensitivity at the sight of human loss. Even if their own children were devoured in front of their eyes, but they had to take care of themselves, there was no time for crying, and they had to keep running. Eventually, things settled down, but never completely. 

Other tragedies began to occur. With toxic waste, new viruses appeared, pandemics of such virulence and infectiousness that decimated human population even more. In order for humans to survive, they had to abandon their jobs, and as a consequence, famine showed up, and it was unmerciful. 

Cities and communities were evolving in isolating tribes, people fled in search of natural shelters, to caves in mountains, to open fields and deserts, forests and underground tunnels. But there was no escape and no solution; animals were bigger outside city limits.

Of all possible extinction events, only a pandemic was selective enough to eliminate humanity, while leaving the rest of animal life on earth, relatively unscathed.

Lucius rarely dared to venture outside the cave to hunt for food. He evaluated  the risk of leaving Katana Luna in the cave, or taking her with him. Most of the time he preferred to leave her behind. Sometimes he would return with fish or birds, the only kind of animals that Lucius considered safe for human consumption, and Katana’s favorite food. 

When he came back, he found two paralyzed wolves at the entrance of the cave. After he took them outside and shot them with the D. I. (disintegrating) gun, he decided never to leave Katana alone again. If she had been asleep, there wouldn’t be any traces of her left. That night, he thought if that would have been the case; he’d kill himself for sure.



Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Last One

I’ve done it thousands of times

Zero risk factors, I thought before the first one

This is the last one. I said a million times

Don’t care if I die. As long as it’s just me

Don’t care about hell

Much less about heaven or paradise

Don’t care if I die, only if it’s painless, sudden and fast

Five thousand times I should be dead

Don’t call me stupid, I’m already dead

How did I get here, who brought me home?

Lessons never learned

Riding in the back, free ride to jail, handcuffs and all

A.A., community service and the rest, I’ve done it all twice and more

Promised never to do it again

Only to forget and repeat, worse than before

Five thousand times at least, I’m good at math

Never looked bad, hardly missed work, hardworking imbecile

Only understand when I’m sober and dry

But if I kill someone else, I’ll do more than cry

I’ll drink till I drown

Punishment or reward?

Don’t know why I’m still here

A million hours wasted with temporary, transient, fleeting friends

I don’t dare say where I should have been instead, it pains my soul

Shame only appears after the fact

Shame disappears with the first shot

Time gone forever

Time I’ll never recover, even if my sanity is the only thing I'll recover

The ones I love will be with me when I die

If they felt loved during my prolonged absences

Edmundo Barraza

Lancaster, Ca. 09-17-2014

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

A Conversation With God (The Interview)

Introduce yourself, please. 

I am God. I made everything. That’s all you need to know.

Are you perfect?

No, I’m not, I make mistakes. The biggest one so far, was trying to make you an image of myself. I failed miserably. I did the first part; you have the option to finish the rest yourself. I had an option too, when I first noticed that I had made a mistake; I could have erased you and started from scratch again. But I decided to wait. In the end, I liked what I saw. You had imperfections, and you had your whole life to work on them. You know it as “free will”. 

Are you happy?

Happiness is never permanent. You’re my children, sometimes you don’t behave properly and that makes me sad.

Why do you allow so many injustices in the world?

You have to stop blaming me for everything. I gave you your life. You do with it as you like, if you’re happy or not, it’s your choice. It’s your free will. The choices you make will make you happy or miserable. It’s all up to you; you do it to yourself. You gain nothing by blaming me.

Do you have a mother?

No, I never had. I’m not sad because of that. There’s nothing to miss. Consider me as a planet, I was passing by, I was a little bored and I started to play with mud. The rest is history. 
Are you going to help us one day? 

No, you should help yourselves. You’re on your own, after thousands of years you should know it by now. Once again, I gave you the world; if you destroy it, it’s your fault.

If you’re our father, who’s our mother?

You can have Eve or Mary, or Mother Earth. If you’re asking me if I have a wife, no, I don’t. And I’m not looking for one either. 

Do you believe in the Bible?

That’s a funny one. 

Do you?

Nobody should. It’s been edited without my permission a million times. You should consider the Bible to be just a rumor. Somebody said: “News told, rumors heard, truth implied, facts buried.” I can’t say it better than that. Rumors don’t care what’s true. What you say now, it’s going to be changed tomorrow. Always remember, rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots.

Do you listen to our prayers?

No. Why should I? If I’m not going to fix your problems. 

Is there anybody you admire?

Yes, the list is long. And not all of them are here with me.

Do you mean you could also admire evil people?

If he or she’s smart, why not?

Is the world going to end soon?

I cannot answer that. The world ends when you die. Don’t worry about that. Embrace life, death is your reward.

Are the Popes helping you?

Not at all, they’re too antiquated, they’re worse than my apostles, disciples and prophets. Not all of them are here with me. Sorry, I can’t give you a list. 

Tell me a little about Paradise and Hell.

They don’t exist. With your behavior, you can experience both here on Earth.

Excuse me, but I think that your job is boring. Is it?

If all of you were good, I would have resigned a long time ago.  What makes it interesting is bad people. My job is not boring; I’m watching millions of movies at the same time. Evil is winning.

Will you ever send another of your sons back to earth?

No, you people are too mean. Jesus is still traumatized by your actions. 

Can you perform a miracle?

I’m not a magician. I like you, but I’m not going to please you just like that. When you die, I’ll make you stop breathing. How’s that for a miracle?

If atheists don’t believe in you, do you believe in them?

Atheists are fools, so are Jesus freaks. I feel sorry for them. They should spend their time more wisely.

Why do some people hate homosexuality?

People that hate homosexuals are fools too. Your body is yours, do with it as you please. Just don’t mistreat it and don’t kill yourself.

Did you write the Ten Commandments? 

Yes, but they were only five or six in the beginning. The rest were made up to make you docile and obedient, so they could control you. As a matter of fact, I don’t want you to be afraid of me. If you don’t worship me, nothing bad will happen to you. Moses must have smoked pot before he climbed that mountain. I’ll give you the list later.

Are you really everywhere?

I’m not everywhere; that’s baloney. Religions are man-made, and they want to manipulate you easier. And the best way to achieve that is to plant fear in you. I’ve never seen you committing a sin. 

Who is the Holy Spirit?

Same thing as mermaids, unicorns and big foot.

Are you handsome?


Can I take a selfie with you?

Don’t be silly.

Are you against divorce and homosexuals and contraceptives?

No, no and no. Marriage should not have chains; your body should not have chains, and sex requires chains sometimes, no, erase the last one. What I mean to say is that sex sometimes needs to be restrained.. You should think twice about promiscuity.

Of all the injustices in the world, the most terrible one is to see children suffer. Can you do something about it?

If you stop having them, they won’t suffer anymore. Children are human; all humans sometimes suffer.

I’m not convinced; you need to do something about it. Child suffering is something we “fools” can’t stand. Promise you’ll do something. 

If all of you help me, something can be done.

Do you hate Satan?

I don’t love him and I don’t hate him, I just dislike him. I dislike Hitler too.

Can I have my cake and eat it too?

Yes. But when you die, you won’t be allowed to bring anything here, not even a slice for me.

Do you like Rock? 

I like classical music. 

Rolling Stones or Beatles?

Beatles. When the Stones come up with “Sympathy for God”, I might reconsider.

Why did you allow the holocaust to happen?

I have no blood in my hands. Humans kill humans. Intervention is not in my vocabulary. (This is important)

Can you disarm the entire world?

Humans kill humans. Humans build arms and weapons.

Will we ever have a new God, or Goddess? Can someone else come and challenge you?

Have you heard about Satan? A Goddess might not be a bad idea.

Some people might say that this interview is fictitious, they might think that I’m answering my own questions. 

If they can believe in the Bible and its million tales, they can believe in this too. If not, who cares? 

Can you be my friend?


Why are your responses so laconic?

I don’t need to adorn things up. I’m wise.

I think you’re a little cold. Do you love me?

Come here, give me a hug.

You mentioned several times that we are on our own, and that you don’t want to intervene with us anymore. Then, what do you do?

Are you saying I’m useless?

No, I’m just implying that you don’t do anything anymore. 

I’m the judge and the administrator. I’m the doorkeeper too. 

Do you enjoy giving punishment?

You get what you deserve. If the balance turns out to be unfair, it gets even after you die. 

Who made you?

I thought you’d never ask that. I made me myself. 

Are homosexuals a third gender?

Sex is your own invention. Procreation is love and reward. 

Why don’t you show yourself?

I sometimes do, but you ignore me or mistreat me, just like you do with each other. 

Why don’t you make guns and drugs disappear?

You’ll invent them again the next day. 

Are you better than Superman?

I wish.

Are religions good for mankind?

No. I’m still waiting for humans to invent something good.

Was it all planned this way, including your mistakes? 

No, it’s been deteriorating from the beginning. I never thought you would turn out to be so smart. If you could alter my design, then you’re smarter than what I thought. 

Can you send us a copy of the original manuscripts of the Bible? 

What for, you’ll change it again. 

Do you think we could have been able to domesticate dinosaurs? 

No, they ate the first generation.

What side are you on, Israel or Palestine?

None, they’re both fools.

If you are omnipotent, why don’t you get rid of Satan? That way everybody could be good all the time.

Satan is in you, so am I. You fight good and evil within you. 

I need to take a leak, let’s take a break. Do you pee too? Mm, never mind that.


How old are you and when’s your birthday?

Next question.

What’s outside the universe?

More universes.

Why don’t you get rid of mosquitoes?

A mosquito asked me the same question about humans.

Are you going to cry when I die?

The only time I cried was when you crucified my son. And that was enough.

Are you an extraterrestrial?

Yes, I wasn’t born here.

Are you the only God? Do you have your own God?

I’m the only God on this planet. I believe in me.

What would you do if Jehovah’s witnesses knock on your door?

I wouldn’t make any noise until they left. 

Is the human race improving?

Very slowly. 

Do you have a favorite Country? (Please, please, say the USA)

You’re funny. Humankind is a single nation, one unit. There are no countries in my heart.

Then, “God Bless America” is meaningless and useless?

Only American innocence and naivety could believe that I exclusively “bless America”. That’s silly.    

Can you give me the original list of the “Ten Commandments”?

1.      Obey your Mom and Dad.
2.      Do not kill.
3.      Be faithful in marriage.
4.      Do not steal.
5.      Never tell a lie.
6.      Don’t be jealous of what others have. 

Somebody added a few more without consulting me. The other four Commandments depicted me as a selfish, controlling God, and nobody should consider those. 

Any last thoughts or advice for humankind? 

Be good and love each other. 

Edmundo Barraza
Lancaster, Ca. 09-16-2014