I’m in a
hurry, I might not have enough time to finish writing this. I know this will be
my last blog post. I won’t have time to revise it or to edit it. So pay no attention
to insignificant mistakes. The only good thing about all of this is that I
always wanted to write non-fiction. This is it.
I just
killed a man. I just dragged his body to my garage. I know I’m not thinking
clearly, my mind is very confused. If my writing doesn’t make sense to you,
please excuse me. I’m nervous, and I might not have time to organize my
thoughts.
The most
important thing right now, is to apologize to the family of that man. I swear
to God that I didn’t mean to kill him. I was defending myself. I killed him in self-defense.
I’m sure that I am a pacifist, but at times when I see injustices, I become
violent, so you might say that I’m a violent pacifist.
Since I’m in
a hurry and because of the urgent situation, this will also be used as my will.
I need to
start from the beginning. You just need to know that there’s not a single lie
in all that it’s written here. So in a way this is my confession too.
One of my dogs
had been sick for a few days. I knew he was gravely ill, in fact, I thought he
was going to be dead at daybreak. He’s still barely alive. Last night I let him
stay in the garage, I put my other two dogs in the back patio.This morning Dylan (my sick
dog) had a mess in the garage, a terrible mess, he is indeed very sick. The
smell was unbearable, so I began to clean with a water hose. I put my three
dogs in the back patio, and since I was using the water hose from the
patio, I couldn't close the door, so the door was ajar. I was concentrated in cleaning up his mess, when I
noticed a man walking his dog, a big German Sheppard. We shared a friendly smile at each other,
when suddenly out of the corner of my eye I saw my dogs parading by my side,
heading menacingly toward the man and the other dog.
What happened next it’s still confusing to me. I
hope I can be impartially truthful and objective. First, the man kicked my
smaller dog, Frida to the middle of the road; I thought for sure she was dead. Then,
he kicked Dylan, the poor dog, he had been barely alive. He hadn’t eaten a thing for
the last four days. Meanwhile, Diego, (an adult Husky) my other dog, was
involved in a fight for his life with the German Sheppard. I must say that
Diego is very strong and fierce, but nice and loyal at the same time.
I’m positive
that Diego would have killed the other dog. But the man, (a big
African-American) started kicking Diego too, that’s when my blood began to boil
and I kicked that man as hard as I could on his ribs, then he turn and hit me on the
head, he almost knocked me out. I fell to the ground, but I immediately stood up,
ran to my garage, and grabbed a piece of metal pipe that I keep in the corner
for occasions like this. I know the pipe is a weapon, a lethal weapon, if I’m mad
enough. I went back and hit him on the head, several times, as hard as I could,
maybe too many times, even after he was down on the floor, and I kept hitting
him, perhaps the last blows were unnecessary.
Then, I hit
his dog a few times too. When I began to reason and when I came out of my stupor,
I turned around to see if anybody had witnessed what just happened, I noticed that nobody was
around, not a single person was in sight. Then I dragged the man to my garage
and his dog too.
Then I
picked up Frida from the middle of the road, she was still alive. Dylan, my poor
skinny dog went back to the garage on his own, he could barely walk, but he
made it. Then I closed the garage door. I thought my heart was going to explode
inside my chest, I could see my chest expanding rapidly, as never before. Now,
all I could think of was the cops showing up and taking me to jail for the rest of my life.
Back in the garage, I
was terrified. What I was watching was surreal. The bloody sight, the disfigured
man’s face and the bloody dead dog, it was all too much. Today was supposed to
be just another regular day. Then I realized that my three dogs were staring at
me, startled, like me, as if saying, “Now what boss?”
I need to
get away from here, right away. I’ll be shaking for the rest of my life. I can’t
think. I need to disappear. I feel deeply sorry for the man’s family, for his
brothers, his parents, his wife, and his children. I feel miserable. This wasn’t
supposed to be happening.
I have to be
selfish for a moment. I need to think about me now. I’ll go back to Mexico. I
definitely don’t want to spend what's left of my life incarcerated. I know I won’t see my
family or my friends anymore if they take me to jail or if I
disappear in Mexico. It feels like I'm a dead man too, but I’d rather be a lonely free man, than a miserable man in prison.
I want to
leave the pool table to my son, the flat TV to my sister, and my three dogs to my
daughter. I don't care what they do with the rest. Sorry it had to end this way. The way I see it now, this is
better than taking me to the cemetery. I love you all, and I will miss you very
much.
I’m glad God
witnessed it all, because I know I can’t lie to him. It was all in
self-defense. I feel so bad. I wish I could write better and be able to
describe properly how bad I feel.
What bothers
me the most is that today is my daughter’s birthday.
Wait,
someone's at the door . . .
Edmundo Barraza
Visalia, CA. 12-07-2112
No comments:
Post a Comment